Today on my way into work, I saw a man straddling the barrier on an overpass. It got my brain thinking and brought something new, in the way of perspective. I had never seen anything like this. Sure, you see video footage or pictures online. But, it is very different to drive under an overpass and see it unfold.
Anyone who lives or has lived in Dallas knows The High Five, which is the exchange of highways that pass over each other. It’s a major intersection and always filled with traffic. It is also the location of many suicides.
Seeing all of the police, the firetrucks, the ambulances and the traffic piling up…I thought that he doesn’t know what he’s doing. My next thought was the people who love him must be going through a lot and the people in traffic don’t even realize the weight of what is happening, they just want to get to where they are going. Then, I came back to the thought that he didn’t know what he was doing, but in a different context.
When I was nine, I tried to overdose on pills, because I wanted to die. When I was 13, I tried to slit my wrists for the same reason. Even though people told me the impact these decisions would have had on others, it never registered. Every now and then, I think about my life since and wonder how it’s made a difference. It hasn’t, my life is pretty bland. But, it’s mine and I love it. It might not have impacted others, but I have had some incredibly happy moments. But, I’ve never thought about the perspective of someone on the outside looking in. I was too deep in my own pain to think about it.
If this is something you’re thinking about, I want to say this to you:
You are loved. This isn’t your only option, no matter how hopeless it seems. You are important to someone. Maybe you just haven’t met them, yet. But, you’ll see. You’ll look at your life after this moment. And no matter how lack luster, it’s yours. It’s full of experiences and people. It’s full of life and decisions, memories and emotions. It’s what you make it and you can make it amazing! You have so much more ahead of you than you realize! And nothing is worth this price. NOTHING! There is happiness and love ahead, but you have to be here to experience it! Stay for a while, let’s find it together!!
I mean it, email me. If you have these thoughts and you can’t find what I’m talking about, I’ll help you! My emails come to my phone and I’ll get back to you! But, don’t make a decision you can’t take back. Understand how permanent this is. Understand what you’re missing out on and what you’re giving up! What’s the worst that happens? You email me and chat for a while? 🙂